Don’t worry I’m doing well

I got some news today that left me with mixed emotions. I went to the kidney doctor, also known as a nephrologist (such an awesome word) for a check in. He told me my kidneys are healthy and he is glad I finally got the swelling out of my legs. I told him I am ecstatic that my knees and hips can walk and bend. I told him the amount of medicine I am on took it off slowly but surely and told him that in the last few weeks, I’ve hit a bit of a plateau. I asked “what can I do about this giant, looks like I’m at 9 months, belly of mine”? And he told me “well, nothing”. 

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

He explained that I have gotten as much off as I can with medication. If I took any higher of a dose I would dehydrate my body to a bad place. The fluid that is left is most likely a direct result of my less than awesome liver. Crap. Draining is still an option but my oncologist doesn’t seem to like that idea. He tells me when you drain it, it comes back pretty quickly and it takes a lot of the body’s nutrients with it. 

So I’m stuck. 

I’m stuck with a body made of toothpicks, extra skin under my chin (don’t even get me started), a giant pregnant looking belly and all of the discomfort, chaleges and painful skin stretching that goes along with it. I just want to wear normal clothes again!! I don’t want to be asked “boy or girl?” At the store anymore, especially when I now understand neither are in my future. Here, here’s some salt to rub in that intensely painful wound. 

I know I will keep getting physically stronger now as I can eat more, and I truly am glad that my kidneys are ok, and that the blood tests show my liver is actually functioning pretty dern well considering BUT… I really am so very tired of lugging around this belly. It is totally ruining my 90’s heroine chic look. Ha! Ok I’m starting to find my sense of humor again. It just stinks y’all. Stinks.